FOREVER CHANGING

I remember when my children were little, I tried to make a deal with my husband that I would gladly be the “go to” parent for problems when the boys were little, but once they hit the teens, his calm and thoughtful wisdom would be required. I never thought that I could calmly sit on my emotions and discuss the enormity of what might come, once their world became larger. It was the same fear I had before becoming a parent. How would I know how to be raise a child? Then the fear became, How would I know how to raise a teenager?

15 years later, parenting roles have changed once again, I now face raising adult children. It never stops. We can never dust off our hands and say, “OK, you are done now, go on out there and live”. I guess I forgot how much parenting my folks did after I was 18.

My opinions have to be offered differently and delicately. My kids are young adults and are still trying to find their way. Their choices and decisions complicate their life at times, and mine too, by association and relation. In redefining myself, my role as a mom to adult children is to voice a response of hearing what they say (showing empathy).  Pose questions to them for self reflection. In discussion, try not to vocalize  judgments about their life. Communication channels should remain open when following this line of thought. As nice as this sounds, the down side is, it is not always easy to do and I continue to work on it. For me to be effective, it calls for surrounding myself with people of substance and a faith in God that buoys me no matter the storms, and to read good books that expand that personal wisdom that does not come “just because I am old”. This week has been a week of turning inward and sorting thoughts. In the process the following came out of it as a form of personal self expression.

Tracks once clear in the snow

have melted from sight

destination seemed

spot on and direct

but then the path

began to veer.

Once high on the bank,

then obscured, falling behind it,

rising once more

pushing on into the wind

defying its opposition.

Ah, calm, but for a moment

long enough to rest

then facing it again

knowing it’s not the last.

As I am writing this, I am reminded of a good book I decided to read this new year, to improve communication skills: Gary Chapman’s “5 Love Languages”.  There is also a another version of this book for communicating with your children. It came highly recommended in a women’s group I belong to.

REDEFINING and REFINING life. That’s what it is all about. I am still growing in knowledge, preparing for the challenges that life brings. So I guess it could be said…. that I am “not done yet”, either. There is still work to be done.